The Hogwarts Bucketlist
by EsmeraldaSnarkle
Summary: Nasreen is in her seventh year at Hogwarts, and when her best friend Alice gives her some bad news that starts to shatter her world, she is determined to make the most of their last year. The crack gets bigger as the year goes on...in the end, will Nasreen be able to mend it with the help of new friends, or will it forever stay a part of her?
1. Iksnhay?

**Chapter 1**

.

The sun warmed the normally stormy waters of the Black Lake, rendering it's mystique useless, and it's overall texture translucent. It was high in the sky, occasionally being shadowed by a group of boys practicing Quidditch lazily nearby. A beautiful day. Of course, I wasn't feeling it.

My body was numb with shock. I wanted to absorb the information she was giving me, but I kept rejecting it. She couldn't be- "Nasreen, are you alright?" Alice asked, her voice concerned. Her big brown eyes, were surveying me nervously; waiting for me to give a reaction to the bombshell she had just dropped on my head.

I just stared at her, trying to speak. "N-n-no.," I stuttered, " t-t-t-that can't be right, your joking aren't you?" I was praying with every cell, every atom in my being that she was. She shattered my hope, however, when she slowly and sadly shook her head.

I collapsed, leaning against the dry bark of the oak tree next to the Lake. I continued to stare at her until something hard hit the side of my head.

"Ow! What the h-!"

"Sorry!" a deep voice shouted.

It was Fred Weasley II, a tall, rather built boy with a mess of red hair, bounding towards us to collect the stray Quaffle that had just hit me. I, however, completely ignored him, as well as the pain in my head, and recommenced staring at my best friend of seven long years, a glimmer of an idea starting to form in my minds-eye.

"Hey, are you okay?" Fred asked, reaching us and staring at me staring at my best friend. I continued to ignore him. Alice was wringing her hands nervously but was looking me square in the face.

"Umm… maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing," he said. I blinked and snapped out of my trance. The corners of my mouth lifted infinitesimally but I knew Alice would see. Her eyes lit up and she looked at me hopefully. I gave her an imperceptible nod and relief washed over her face. Yes, my idea was brilliant.

"I'll just um…" Fred broke off as both my head and Alice's snapped towards him. I had completely forgotten he was there! Alice and I both scrutinized him. The poor boy was glancing worriedly from one face to another. _He must think we're out of our minds_, I thought. I smirked suddenly. _Might as well give him a good show_. I spared Alice a look and, sure enough she had caught my smirk. Go time.

"Ikshnay ashway ooglay?" I asked, my eyes widening innocently.

"I –uh umm sorry what?" he asked, looking extremely unsure "Is she okay?"

Alice just shrugged and answered, "Alwalay actay untay."

"Right..er..well," Fred trailed off, looking scared.

"Fred! How long does it take to get the Quaffle?" yelled a boy running towards us. Messy black hair, and a tall outline.

"James!" exclaimed Fred, almost crying with relief.

"How long does it take you to get the Quaffle?" James asked again, annoyed.

"Yeah, I know but we hit this girl and now she's acting strangely along with her," Fred said, pointing at Alice. "And for Merlin's sake, the Quaffle didn't even HIT

_her!_"

James looked at us in confusion.

"Okaaay," said James, stretching out the word to indicate he doubted the other boy's sanity.

"Perhaps," I volunteered, " he should go to the Hospital Wing, he seems to have taken a knock to the head."

"YOU! W-what?! You can talk perfectly fine!" Fred cried, pointing an accusatory finger at us.

"Yes, yes we can," I spoke slowly, taking care to enunciate every word.

"What has gotten into him?" asked Alice wonderingly, her brown eyes twinkling.

"I told you, it's probably a knock to the head," I replied.

"No, no, you were all like ishnay aahway oogly, and you," he pointed at Alice, "Were all like allawalay actuallay."

This statement was greeted by silence as we all stared at him. Finally James spoke.

"Maybe they're right," he said hesitantly, as if trying to calm Fred down, "You need to go to the Hospital Wing."

"But no, you've got it all wrong! It's them who need help!" Fred said desperately trying to get James to believe him.

"No mate, denial is not the way to go, c'mon," James responded, grabbing Fred's arm, making him drop the Quaffle, and dragging him towards the Hospital Wing.

Fred looked back at us hopelessly. In return we gave him identical grins and thumbs up.

"AHA! I KNEW IT!" he yelled, "It was them all along, _they _are the mad ones, not me, seize _them_!"

James started to look downright alarmed and proceeded to drag Fred away at a faster speed.

We made sure they were out of sight before we started laughing, and boy, did we laugh! Thank you Fred Weasley, for saving us from possible depression!

After about a minute we started to calm down. I picked up the Quaffle Fred had dropped, still chuckling, and made a mental note to return it to him.

Turning to my best friend, I sobered up. We had serious matters to discuss and I wanted to tell her my brilliant idea.

"So that's it then? The cancer's spread and there's nothing to do? No magic?" I asked

Alice stopped laughing immediately and shook her head.

"There's nothing left to do for me, the Healer's have tried everything," she answered sadly.

"How long do you have left?" I asked, feeling sick. A part of me wanted to know and another part didn't. What if it was a day? Or a week?

"Till the end of this year," she said, " Funny isn't it? When I've finally finished my education, I die."

"NO! Don't say that! Ever!" I took a deep breath. "What'll happen will happen, but just have some hope."

"What?" Alice said bitterly, "So I can be disappointed, again?"

"No," I answered carefully, "just don't…give up."

" How am I supposed to do that?" she shouted. Yes my kind, calm best friend was _shouting_. It felt so wrong.

"I have an idea," I said smiling, "an idea to help you _not_ give up."

Alice, still red in the face from her earlier unnaturalness of shouting, perked up.

"What is it?"

"A Bucket List."

"Huh?"

"It's a muggle thing where you make a list of thing you want to do before you…go… and then complete it in order to feel you've lived your life to the fullest," I finished with a smile.

"Oh," was all she said, tilting her head to the side, considering the idea. "Well, alright then."

"Yes!" I triumphed, and that was enough, we'd gotten our good humour back. But a cloud still hung over my mind. _Alice isn't dead; nothing's going to happen, _I thought to myself sternly. I wouldn't let it.

The Gryffindor common room was packed that night. Alice had retired with a headache earlier. I was about to join her but first I had to give the boys back their Quaffle. It was an uncomfortable thing to hold and I wanted to be rid of it.

I approached Fred and his small gang of friends, which comprised of the black tousled haired James Potter and the very good-looking Prentis Wallace.

"Hey," I said when they looked at me questioningly (except for Fred, whose pupils dilated at the sight of me), " Er, you left this behind today afternoon." I handed them the Quaffle.

"Thanks uh-?" James said, taking it.

"Nasreen," I replied, a bit irked. In first year, Professor Hugenkiss made us potion partners. For the _whole _year. I couldn't believe he didn't remember my name. Granted it was six years ago…but still.

Prentice opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Fred.

"You, Nasreen, framed me for lunacy!" he burst out.

"It's funny," James frowned after throwing his red-haired friend a worried glance,

"Madam Pomfrey said there was no problem."

I nodded my head wearily then spoke to Fred with an air of patience.

" Of course you're a lunatic," I started and hastened to finish as Fred opened his mouth to interrupt, "You were saying it _all _wrong it's ikshnay ashway ooglay."

I ran across the room and up the girls' staircase before they could say anything. Though I did hear a loud 'I TOLD YOU SO!' I hid a smile, there was no doubt who that was from.

I went into the Seventh year dorm carefully, so as to not wake my friend. We shared this room with two other girls and both of them were asleep already.

I sighed and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. After I washed and dried myself, I grabbed my toothbrush and put a big glob of spearmint toothpaste on the bristles. Brushing my teeth quickly in front of the mirror, I stopped briefly and stared at my reflection. A small girl with boring black hair and dark eyes stared back at me. Key words: boring and small. I was often mistaken for a fifth year, and since Alice and I weren't what you'd call 'socialites,' a lot of people were surprised to discover I was actually in their year, or older than them. I had long since given up hoping for a growth spurt.

Alice on the other hand was a pretty brunette with warm brown eyes, masses of curly hair, small – and to my extreme chagrin still taller than me! And to match her appearance, she was also one of the sweetest girls ever. Much better than our dorm mates. Not really mates just dorm people. We weren't friends with them; it's really hard to be when they ignored you so much.


	2. Golden Silence

**Chapter 2**

The sunlight pierced through the rectangular windows of the dormitory and I covered my eyes with a grumble. This usually meant it was time to get up, but my bed just felt too comfortable, my pillow just that much fluffier than I remembered, and my blankets much warmer than usual. It happened every morning. It was always a battle getting up, especially when I didn't have the aid of coffee like most people did.

"Get up Naz!" Alice was up and about already, how that girl could be up so early and be so happy was a mystery to me.

"Alice," I mumbled, "It's a Saturday."

"Yeah, but we have to do that thing, remember?"

What thing? What the hell was she talking about? I groggily tried to organize my thoughts, and it was a good few seconds before I got what she meant. I sat upright immediately. Alice attempted to hide a smile. I caught it and glared at her. Sneaky.

I got out of bed all the same, shivering a little at how cold it was out of my comfortable little haven. My bare feet enabled the cold to travel faster up my body, and I made my way to the bathroom to have a nice, warm shower.

By the time I had finished, and gotten dressed, there were quite a few people at breakfast. I carried down my favourite little tote bag, which contained writing utensils for our Bucketlist. We took a seat at the Gryffindor table. Not many Gryffindors were there at breakfast. They, like normal people, slept in on a Saturday.

I stowed my bag under the table, and we ate in silence; it was a good silence mind you. We loved silence. Silence is golden, that's our motto.

Do you know what broke our golden silence? James, Fred and Prentice making their way to sit next to us. It was unusual because they would usually sit together further down the Gryffindor table. This deviation in the usual seating arrangement didn't go unnoticed and a few people looked at us. We, of course, remained oblivious to it, lost in our thoughts and basking in golden silence, until quite suddenly,

"Hello, mind if we sit?" asked Prentice, grinning winningly.

"If you want," I said shortly, moving along with Alice to put as much distance between them and us as possible. This didn't work because they had apparently planned to sit right next to us. So with Prentice on my right, Fred and James across from me on Alice's right, we sat in awkward silence. Awkward silence was golden silence's arch nemeses. Since we loved and cared for golden silence we also hated awkward silence.

Why were they doing this? To get revenge for yesterday? Probably. But to drive away golden silence was low; even for them.

I looked at Alice and the look in her eyes mirrored mine, golden silence was our friend, and so golden silence deserved penance.

With my most somber expression I said, "What are you doing? Are you happy that you've driven it all away?"

The three looked up from their plates, confused.

"Driven what away exactly?" asked James, running a hand through his already ruffled hair.

"Golden silence," Alice and I replied matter-of-factly.

"Golden silence," Prentice repeated.

"Yes," said Alice.

"See, I _told _you they were mad!" said Fred with his two Knuts.

"Ignore him," said James; shooting his friend a look, "He's still upset about yesterday."

"Oh," said Alice softly, "Sorry, we didn't mean to upset you."

Fred looked surprised by this sudden apology. "Oh, well…er I guess it's alright," he stuttered. Aww, so cute.

"So, golden silence?" James asked.

"Oh, yes. You see, silence is golden, and we love golden silence," I paused to make sure they were following and they nodded uncertainly, "Well you drove away our golden silence with the awkward silence you brought with you."

"I see," said Prentice after a silence, "You guys really have an…unusual outlook on life."

"Um, I guess," I said.

"Not in a bad way," amended Prentice quickly.

"Okay," was all I said.

"No, really I-," he tried again.

"We know," I reassured with a smile.

"Alright," Prentice said, grinning cockily, "So, what are your plans for today?"

"Nothing," said Alice.

"Nothing?" said James incredulously, "Nothing on such a fine Saturday?"

"What do you think, Freddie?" Prentice asked, "Nothing doesn't sound like fun."

"What?" said Fred, jumping slightly, "Oh yeah, it doesn't."

I could see where they were going with this and I needed to make a quick intervention, because we needed to do stuff for our bucket list and I knew that Alice wouldn't want to share her secret with anyone.

"Actually," I said, "We do have plans for today."

Ha! And that my friends, is a successful intervention.

"What are they?" asked James suspiciously.

Or not.

"Umm we have to go to Hogsmeade to pick some stuff up," was my brilliant answer.

The three looked at each other and then back at us with smirks.

"There is no Hogsmeade weekend today," Fred said smugly, "So how in Merlin's name are you two going to pick stuff up _today?"_

Damn, he got us there. Alice decided to intervene herself and to tell you the truth she was much better than me.

"I'm sorry, but we really have plans for today," she said gently.

"What are they?" asked James at once.

We stared at him.

"We can't tell you," I said finally.

They opened their mouths to protest this statement but Alice cut them off. "We really, really can't," she said, her eyes widening slightly, and her mouth puckering into a small pout.

Finally James, sighing, said, "Alright then, another day yeah?"

We nodded. The rest of breakfast passed in comfortable silence. Not golden silence, but comfortable all the same.

I was pondering why they wanted to hang out with us all of a sudden; I mean they didn't even know I existed before. _It was the stupid prank we pulled on Fred_, I thought, _we've drawn attention to ourselves_. James Potter and co. now knew we existed. Oh dear lord.

We awkwardly said goodbye at the end of breakfast. Alice and I were heading off to the Black Lake again and the boys were going off to do their own thing, whatever that was.

"Was that the strangest thing you've ever experienced or what?" I muttered to Alice as we walked out into the Entrance Hall and onto the grounds.

"I've experienced stranger" Alice replied, shivering slightly. I narrowed my eyes, but didn't prod. Alice told me very sparing details about the type of treatment she got. "Do you have any idea what they're doing?"

"Not a clue."

"Oh well," Alice said, "Let it happen." And those were the magic words: let it happen.

_James was right_, I thought admiring the fine Saturday morning. It was a shame not to be doing anything as such, but we needed to write our bucket list today and we couldn't leave it any longer seeing as we wanted to get it done quickly, after all, we had our N.E.W.T's this year.

We sat down comfortably in the shade of our favourite tree. I opened my bag and took out a quill and some parchment.

"What do you think we should do first?" I asked Alice.

She thought about it for a moment. "Maybe we shouldn't have a sequential list, just a deadline to finish it all by. I mean, what if we get the perfect opportunity to do one task but we can't because it's after another?"

"Yes, you're right," I said nodding, "Okay then, when should the deadline be?"

"Christmas?" suggested Alice, "After all, that's when I'll-"

"Yeah, sounds fine," I interrupted quickly. Then I grinned, time for the fun part. "What should the tasks be?"

Alice smiled.

We spent the entire morning working and by lunch we had our bucket list:

Play a prank. (one that was at least _mildly _amusing.)

Have our first kisses, with Slytherins. (I really wanted Alice to experience everything she possibly could.)

Try firewhisky.

Go to a Quidditch game, and actually _be _enthusiastic.

Free a house elf.

Help someone through a difficult situation.

Teach a wizard how to change a lightbulb.

Go midnight flying.

Find the school kitchens.

Lose our virginity.

Some of them, as you could see, were silly, but would still be fun to do. Others were a bit more serious. The 'lose our virginity' task was my idea, though Alice protested until she was blue in the face. And red. I stood by it firmly however. No way was she going to not experience what most people said was the greatest pleasure in the world. We were going to experience every possible corners of life. I sighed happily as we went back up to the castle for lunch.

The next day was spent doing all the homework the professors had given us for the weekend. We now had the bucket list for motivation and it kept us in continually high spirits. We decided to try and knock off the easiest task on the list first, and we both agreed that that was midnight flying.

Tuesday was settled as the day, because then we could sleep in the next day, seeing as we had a free session. This was going to be great. We had never really broken the rules before and it thrilled us to the bone.


	3. Midnight Flying

**Chapter 3**

Monday rolled by quickly. It was, as well as Tuesday, one of my favourite days of the week. No potions on _both _days! It was my weakest subject, and I mean _really _weak.

James, Fred and Prentice didn't sit with us again, but they did acknowledge us with a nod when we passed in the corridors. I was still confused as to why they _ever _sat with us, even once. But I couldn't make sense of it and pushed it out of my mind completely.

When Tuesday night came we were all ready. Alice and I had put our brooms in an easy to access place under our bed so there wouldn't be any clattering around in our trunks when it was time.

Eleanor and Sonnet had gone to bed earlier, they always did. They couldn't stand getting bags under their eyes. It was one of the… well the main reason… I disliked them. How could they moan about the slightest darkness under their eyes when Alice, on her bad days, had massive drooping bags? Second year was when it all started. Alice and I had become the greatest of friends, she was still sick the but not as much as now. Eleanor had been complaining loudly with Sonnet nodding in agreement. Alice's cheeks had turned bright red and she went to bed without a word. She didn't get over it for weeks. But they couldn't ruin tonight.

It would be a while before midnight. I had set an alarm to wake me five minutes before twelve. And I was glad I did as I felt myself drifting off.

I woke up with a start as my pillow started vibrating. I groggily tried to get my thoughts together, before remembering what we were going to do. I stuffed my hand under the pillow and pulled out my shaking wand. I waved it silently and it stopped vibrating at once. _Huh_, I thought, _looks like it worked_.

I waited for a moment for my eyes to adapt to the darkness and then got out of bed carefully. I quickly went to where Alice was sleeping peacefully before shaking her awake. She jumped and I covered her mouth with my hand. She looked blindly towards me before her eyes adjusted and understanding flooded her face. Giving me a quick grin, Alice climbed slowly out of her bed and knelt down to get her broom. I walked to mine and did the same thing.

Soon we were taking off, out of the tiny window in the girls' dormitories. The cool air whipping past my face made me shiver. Alice looked just as cold as me. Our plan was to head fly over the Black Lake, then the Forbidden Forest and a round of the entire perimeter of Hogwarts.

I put on a spurt of speed and headed off course towards the Quidditch Pitch. I saw Alice falter out of the corner of my eye but change direction and follow me.

We did a couple of laps of the pitch before we were sufficiently warmed up and decided to continue as planned before.

Alice took the lead and I followed behind, enjoying the slightly spooky sight of the castle at night. It looked amazing, so mystical. I mean, it was always magical to me but the darkness brought out a whole new side to it. I exhaled contentedly and was distracted by my breath smoking up in front of me.

Even as a child I would breathe heavily through my mouth in the winter, just to see my breath misting up. I sometimes even pretended I was smoking and played Sherlock Holmes. Long story. I even remember one time I was so captivated and breathing so heavily, I passed out. Wait! I mustn't do that on a _broom. _I had a mini panic attack for a second before I got my breathing under control. I looked around quickly for a distraction from the addictively bewitching breath mist. _Hahaha, _I thought, _breath mist. _With a huge effort I regained my concentration and noticed Alice way ahead of me.

When I had caught up with her she gave me a questioning look.

"What happened?"

"Breath mist," I answered, using my new favourite phrase.

Alice shook her head. "I'm not even going to ask."

I laughed and the sound echoed in the night. This was fun!

After we had gone around the _whole _of Hogwarts, we decided to call it a night. By the time we got back into the dormitory, the sky outside was a shade lighter. I took my little silver clock out of my trunk and checked the time.

5 o'clock! We had been out for _five hours._ I was grateful we had a free period tomorrow. I'd need it.

* * *

The next morning was horrible. I could hardly open my eyes, even with my free period sleep in.

I groaned as someone opened the curtains, the bright light almost blinding me. "Stop! Don't do that!"

"What? What is it?" asked an alarmed voice. I opened my eyes to a squint and saw Eleanor standing by the window, clutching the curtain in her hand, her blue eyes wide as she looked at me.

"It-nothing," I said hastily, "Just tired, I guess."

"Late night?" she said understandingly. I nodded uncertainly. I had a feeling we both had a different meaning of a late night.

"I'll just leave it closed then," she said pulling the curtain shut and walking out of the dorm. As soon as she left, I fell back against my pillow. That was confusing, she seemed almost nice. _She isn't though_, I reminded myself, _remember that time she…?_ Now that I thought about it, she had never done anything to me. The only bad thing I remember her doing was the poorly timed complaint on dark circles. Maybe I'd misjudged her? Because after that incident I had severed all contact with her and Sonnet. Well, I'll have to see. Or maybe not. Eleanor and Sonnet weren't in any of my classes.

I rolled over to my side and groped into my trunk for my little silver clock. I groaned again as I read the time on it. Nine o'clock, time to get up. I woke Alice up, and we both got ready quickly. Alice had dark bags under her eyes. I didn't. I never got any. I think that's due to my chocolate coloured skin. Though, dark circles are darker then my skin colour. It could just be my genes. Nasreen Silva, genetically programmed to not look tired.

We made our way to the Great Hall for a late breakfast.

I checked my timetable to see what I had next. Potions. Great. My worst subject first, on a day that I will be half asleep. I tried to accommodate my lethargy by drinking two cups of coffee.

And I felt tons and tons and tons and tons better! Hehehe, that's _four _tons. Hehehehe.

"Oh, dear," said Alice watching me jumping up and down. "You shouldn't drink so much coffee, you _know _what it does to you!"

"Oh shh," I hiccoughed, light headed. It felt amazing. I can't believe I didn't use this solution in the past. I poured myself another cup.

"No," said Alice, taking it away from me.

"Hey!" I cried, "I won't drink it, promise!"

Alice peered at me, undecided, her grip on the cup laxed. I quickly snatched it, grinning.

"Nasreen!" Alice scolded, trying to get the cup from me. I fended her off.

"Don't worry Alice, I _said _I wouldn't drink it," I giggled, bringing the steaming cup to my nose and sniffing the seductively sweet smell of caffeine.

"Naz! That's just as bad!" Alice exclaimed. She took out her wand and pointed it at my cup. "_Evanesco._"

"No!" My coffee had disappeared. I immediately reached for the jug to pour myself another one, but in my haste I knocked it over. Alice waved her wand expertly and cleaned it up.

I looked down the table to see if there was another coffee jug and was dismayed to not find one. Alice smirked smugly at me.

"Oh well, it's not too bad, I'm awake now anyway!" I chirped. Alice smiled at me, shaking her head.

"We have half an hour 'til potions, you'll have probably crashed by then," said Alice shaking her head. "Honestly, you're the only person I know who can get drunk on coffee."

She turned out to be right. By the time we got up to go to potions, I was even more tired than before. I dragged my feet all the way to the dungeons, constantly bumping into people.

"Sorry," I kept saying.

When Potions started I was already half asleep. Alice kept poking me to keep me awake.

"Right everyone, quiet," called our potions mistress, Professor Hugenkiss. Trust me, despite her name; there are no hugs and kisses from this woman.

" This is seventh year N.E. and it's a very important year. This is the year you leave Hogwarts, and so I want you to work harder than ever. You can't do that while you're sitting with friends that are useless to better your learning, gossiping away about foolish nonsense. I will therefore be separating you all this year, picking names out of a hat."

I didn't register this at first, but when I did, I looked at Alice in horror. Alice was the reason I passed potions. I barelymade it into N.E. . She tutored me everyday. I was going to fail this year, I was almost certain. The fates had decided to be unkind to me and I had never, _ever _done a thing to them!

Professor Hugenkiss waved her wand and distributed two pieces of paper to each desk. I took my quill out and forlornly wrote my name on my slip, hoping against the odds I'd be paired with Alice.

After Hugenkiss collected the strips of paper, she placed them into an old witches hat and drew a name.

"Memphis Earkin and Ashwaria Pickett." Memphis and Ashwaria grinned at each other from across the room before Memphis collected her stuff and sat down next to the other girl.

And so it went on and on and on and… yawn. I was so tired. My eyes were blurry from the effort it took to keep them open. I had zoned out completely and was dreaming of my four-poster bed. I never appreciated it before now; I used it so much and yet gave back so little. This is why I'm being punished; I should show my bed some more love. Hey, that sounded wrong. _Not like that_, I amended quickly to myself, _a gift-maybe a comforter? _

"Miss Silva! Did you not hear me? Go sit next to Mr. Potter. _Now_," Professor Huggenkiss said impatiently.

I tried to make sense of the situation. I had no idea what I'd missed. I looked at Alice and she gestured for me to move. I gathered my things and shuffled next to James who gave me a quick grin. I returned it tiredly before slumping in my seat and laying my head in my arms on the desk.

My thought drifted off to my bed again. I would treat it with the utmost care next time I saw it. I now considered it to be one of my most treasured possessions. Not that it was _technically_ mine, but it was sort of.

I had started to have a rather interesting dream about my bed coming alive and sobbing hysterically at my mistreatment. I was desperately trying to apologize. I would treat it better next time. Really! It was about to concede to my apologies and give me the most comfortable sleep ever experienced. I leapt forward in anticipation, about to jump on the comfy, plush mattress, about to sink into the depths of intense sleep when- poke!

"Uh, Nasreen?" a voice said. I reluctantly pulled myself out from my dream and forced myself awake. My head came up from my arms and I looked at the bleary, messy haired outline of James Potter in what I hoped was a questioning way.

"Are you alright?" he asked concerned. My questioning look seemed to have failed.

"I'm fine," I mumbled.

"Okay," he said doubtfully, "We have to brew a Blood Replenishing potion."

"Right," I said, still groggy.

"I'll get the ingredients?" he asked. I nodded and he got up and went to the student store cupboard. I set up our cauldron on the fire under the desk. It collapsed twice, but in the end stood. I took a look around the room and spotted Alice working studiously with Fred Weasley. _Working_. _Fred Weasley. _ That was surprising. I didn't even know Fred did Potions. Or that they were paired up.

"I know what you mean." James had come back, his arms laden with ingredients. He set them down on the desk. "Fred is actually a gifted potion brewer. Me, not so much."

"You can't possibly be as bad as me," I stated. He grinned.

"We'll see."

The potions lesson dragged on, James was a fun partner, making me laugh here and there. But not enough to break me out of my stupor.

"We don't add the horned slugs yet, we have to let it simmer," he said catching my arm for the third time.

"Mm," I said. James looked at me curiously.

"What did you _do _last night? 'Cos you obviously didn't sleep."

"Nothing," I said.

He looked skeptical. "Right."

We continued with our potion and he asked no more questions.

I had no idea when the simmering stage was supposed to end, so I kept a hold on the slugs. James was reading Advanced Potions Making, checking the recipe. I felt exhausted, my head drooped forward and my arms dropped. My grip loosened and half the horned slugs that were in my hand fell into the potion.

BOOM.

Everyone jumped. The sudden noise shocked me awake. I looked around with clarity at everyone goggling at me. I was now wide-awake.

Hold on. They were staring at me? I looked down at our cauldron and found nothing but a charred mess. I was drenched in a purple liquid. So was James. He was staring at me too, his eyes wide. And it dawned on me. This was my fault.

"I am _so, so _sorry! I didn't mean for that to happen!" I apologized hurriedly. "It was all my fault! Um, sorry?"

Professor Hugenkiss stepped forward and waved her wand. The mess was cleared and our clothes were dried.

"You will both receive a zero," she growled, looking furious. Hugenkiss turned sharply on her heel and headed to the other end of the room. Far away from us.

All the students were getting back to their own work. Most were more cautious than before. Alice gave me a pitying look when I gave her sheepish smile and went back to her own work with Fred, who was laughing.

I turned to James, who was looking at the place where our cauldron once stood. I watched him apprehensively.

"You were right," he said.

"What?"

"I can't possibly be as bad as you in Potions."

"Oh, I really am sorry. It was my fault, I fell asleep, and now we have a _zero!_" I said, upset. I had made us _both_ fail. Not just me, but my partner as well.

James laughed good-naturedly. "It's fine, really. It's not like I haven't done it before. It made for an interesting Potions lesson anyway."

I smiled at him gratefully, as the rest off the class packed up. I was glad to end that disastrous lesson, though my Potions partner wasn't half bad.

The rest of the day passed better than the Potions lesson, thankfully. The first thing I did when lessons finished was give my bed a big, big hug. All my dorm mates looked at me strangely, but I didn't care. I jumped into bed with my uniform still on and fell asleep, even though it was only four o'clock. I had been dreaming of this moment the entire day.


	4. Confessions of a surprising nature

**Chapter 4**

Potions turned out to be okay, mostly thanks to James. I don't know what he was talking about when he said he wasn't that much of a brewer. He was better than me, at least. Alice was happy with her seating arrangement too. Fred really was a good brewer. The only one missing from the trio was Prentice. He didn't do potions apparently. I can completely relate with that. Potions was, though, the only class I had with any of the three. I was taking a Charms Newt, Potions Newt, Transfiguration and History if Magic Newt. I got the best marks in History of Magic. For some reason, I was immune to Professor Binns' debilitatingly boring voice.

My goal was to become a Spellmaker in the Department of Mysteries. One, it was interesting. Two, it was interesting. Three, it was interesting and four, I might be able to discover a cure for Alice. Because she _won't _die. It almost hurt too much to think about.

Which reminds me…bucketlist! We needed to do the next task soon. It had been almost three weeks since our midnight flying. We didn't want do anything late night again, unless we had the next day off. I learnt my lesson from the aftermath of our little midnight adventure. I wonder which one we should do next? I would have to find Alice.

I did a quick sweep of the common room. No Alice. She must be in the library then. When in doubt, go to the library. That was Alice's motto. I pushed my way out of the portrait hole and pulled the tapestry aside to go through the hidden passage. Problem was, two people were already in there.

Fred and Prentice both looked up at my entrance. Fred slowly took his hands off Prentice's neck, where he had him pinned to the wall. Fred had red scratch marks on his face, running down his neck. He turned to Prentice.

"I said no." Prentice's face crumpled at these words and he started to say something.

"I'll just be going now," I said quietly, hoping to slip away unnoticed. No such luck.

"No," said Fred, "_I'll _be going." He marched out of the hidden passage and said the password to the Fat Lady ("Nargle!"), disappearing into the common room.

Prentice leaned against the wall and slid down it. He buried his face in his hands.

"Go," Prentice said in a muffled voice, motioning me to go past him with one hand. I tentatively stepped forward and walked past him.

That was by far the weirdest thing I had ever seen. I wasn't very comfortable in weepy, situations. You would think I had practice comforting Alice after every disappointment, but that was different. She was my best friend. I hardly knew Prentice I couldn't be expected to…I don't know.

I quickened my pace and arrived at the library. I did a quick search of all the tables. No Alice. I ran across the entire length of the library, to check between the shelves. I thought this was a rather genius idea, but apparently Madam Pince did not.

I was thrown out ceremoniously, but I did know by then Alice wasn't in there. Where was she? I walked around the library and down the charms corridor. Alice wasn't there either. I did a quick check of the Transfiguration corridor, the dungeons, the courtyard, I even ran to the Quidditch pitch where the Gryffindor Quidditch team were practicing in a blur of red and gold.

I stopped there for a few seconds to catch my breath; running wasn't one of my strong points. Leaning against the cool metal of the stands I mentally made a list of places I had checked. Turns out I'd gone over most of the castle. Where the hell was she?

I was distracted for a moment by a figure in scarlet waving to me on a broom. It took me a moment to recognize this figure as James. I waved back quickly and turned away.

I was starting to get really worried now. Alice wasn't anywhere I had looked, so I trudged back up to Gryffindor Tower and up to the dormitories. Hoping that Alice would possibly be there. No such luck.

Eleanor and Sonnet were on Eleanor's bed, painting each other's nails in neon yellow.

They both glanced up at me as I entered, blowing delicately on their nails

"Looking for someone?" Eleanor asked, watching me scan the room.

"Yes, have you seen-"

"Alice? Yes she's in the Hospital Wing; I think she was taken ill, something like

that," Sonnet cut in before I could finish. Noticing my surprise she added, "Who else would you be looking for Nasreen?"

It surprised me even more that she knew my name, but I guess we did practically live together.

"Thank you!" I said, running out of the dormitories and downstairs. I hurried through the portrait hole before breaking into a sprint, not stopping until I was at the Hospital Wing.

I knocked twice on the large wooden doors and they were opened by a woman with an irritated expression. Madam Pomfrey. Her face softened upon seeing me. She was the only person, other than Alice's parents, who knew about what we had to deal with.

"Madam Pomfrey, is she okay? I came as quickly as I could!" I panted.

"She's fine. Well not fine but she isn't going to, you know," she said breaking off.

"I know," I said, my voice trembling slightly. "Can I see her?"

"No, I'm sorry dear," Madam Pomfrey looked at me sympathetically. "But if you need to talk, I'm right here."

I shook my head.

"No thanks," I said hoarsely, turning around and walking in the other direction. I walked aimlessly around the school, staring down at the stone brickwork, trying to keep from thinking about Alice. Some people said hello to me and I just nodded back, not looking at them. My mind was trying to wander, but I wouldn't let it. I needed to keep a tight hold. I had to stop myself from thinking more about Alice's condition. It would only make me cry and I hated crying. I didn't mind others crying, but if I just I couldn't -

"Sorry," someone grunted above me.

"S'ok," I said, rubbing my arm and moving around them.

"Wait." That someone grabbed my other arm, and I looked up, right into the hazel eyes of James Potter. His eyes were hazel. A lovely caramel-hazel. How did I not notice them before? They were almost glowing, if you could touch eyeballs, I bet his would be warm. I wonder…?

"Hey, are you okay?"

I shook my head, trying to throw off my transfixation.

"You're not?"

"No, no I'm fine," I said hastily. Quidditch practice must have finished already; I wondered what the time was.

He mustered me carefully. "You don't look okay."

"I'm fine," I snapped, "get out of my way."

He stepped aside bemusedly, and I walked a few paces before going back.

"Sorry," I said, "I shouldn't have been so rude."

"It's fine," he shrugged, "you look like you got a lot on your mind."

I bit my lip and nodded.

"You can talk about it if you want," he said, looking a little uncomfortable.

"No," my voice cracked and I cleared my throat, "I'm fine."

He looked at me long and hard, then nodded and went on his way. It was sweet of him, but I just couldn't do it.

I took a shortcut to the Gryffindor common room and got into bed fully dressed. I pulled the covers up over my face and closed my eyes. I wasn't asleep, but this way people wouldn't bother me.

I heard Sonnet and Eleanor coming up to bed an hour or so later. It was completely dark now and the darkness from the outside was seeping into me. All the emotions I had tried to stifle today surfaced in tidal waves, and I was caught in a rip I was unable to escape from.

I stifled a sob. It was horrible, the pain in my chest was growing, my throat hurting and my eyes stinging from the effort of trying not to cry. I clutched my pillow tightly, squeezing my eyes closed and breathing raggedly.

She isn't going to die…she isn't going to die...she isn't going to die, I chanted in my mind.

Images flashed through my head of all my time at Hogwarts. Alice chatting away happily, laughing at something. And then all those horrible sick days she had. Alice not being able to get out of bed, crying out painfully when Madam Pomfrey had to stick all those needles in her. Alice not being able to sleep; bags under her eyes and looking like the walking dea- no! I whimpered this time and Eleanor rolled over in her bed.

I had to get out of here, I needed some fresh air; a place to cry freely.

I got out of bed as quietly as I could and tiptoed out of the girls' dormitories. My vision was blurred from all the tears I was trying to hold in, so I stumbled downstairs. I was about to walk past the fireplace, but stopped when I heard a noise. There was someone in one of the plush armchairs in front of the dead fire. And that someone had just turned their head to look at me. His head. Prentice Andrews?

"Who's there?" he asked wearily, ducking his head again.

"Nasreen," I replied croakily. The head appeared again.

"Shit, I can't see anything," he muttered, "_Incendio!" _

There was a large, flickering fire in the hearth and it's light blinded me a bit.

I was aware, however, of Prentice studying me in the firelight. As my eyes adjusted, I regarded him too. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair was a mess. Not a good mess, mind you. His clothes were crumpled and he smelled slightly of coffee. His usually handsome appearance was diminished.

"What in Merlin's name happened to you?" we asked at the same time.

"Nothing," we replied in sync. I started giggling and he let out a wan smile.

Prentice slumped down on his armchair and motioned for me to sit down. I was about to sit on the one next to him but he grabbed my arm and sat me so we were sharing a chair.

I looked at him and he shrugged.

"It's warmer this way."

I nodded uncertainly.

"Besides," he continued bitterly, "I'm queer aren't I? You don't have to worry about a thing."

I fell off the chair. Prentice Andrews, one of the biggest players in Hogwarts was _gay_? No way!

"T-those girls," I spluttered. "All those girls…"

"All those girls were boring, I tried resisting but they didn't excite me, Merlin! I don't even know why I'm telling you this." He buried his head in his hands. I got up from the floor and sat next to him again.

"Because you need to tell someone," I replied, patting him on the shoulder.

"He doesn't want me, you saw," Prentice said hollowly. I looked at him in confusion.

He saw my expression and added, "Fred." He gasped, pulling at his dark hair. Tears were now running down his cheeks as dry sobs filled the room. I was having an epiphany. That scene I witnessed behind the tapestry. Was that Fred rejecting Prentice?

I looked at the boy in question and determined it was. His face was anguished and he was now attempting to stifle his sobs. I put a hand on his arm and said gently, "Let it out, cry." He choked and then let out a howl. I jumped and decided to take some measures to ensure that Prentice didn't wake the entire Tower.

I took Prentice's wand from him and pointed it at the staircases and then the portrait hole. _"Silencio." _I laid the wand on an armchair close to me and put my arms around Prentice. He ducked his head and buried his face in my neck, sobbing loudly.

"It'll be okay, it's going to be fine," I whispered to him, stroking his hair. We sat like that for a few minutes before he calmed down. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand looked at me embarrassedly. I smiled slightly at him. "Better?"

He nodded.

"What should I do?" The question was asked shyly, with a look of absolute misery, that I felt my heart melt.

I thought about his problem for a second.

"Do you love him?" I asked.

"Yes." It was an immediate answer and I realized that this had been simmering under the surface for a while.

"Then you would be happy to take whatever you could get, being his best friend is you're top option."

"How can I face him again after that? He said no, he couldn't stand the sight of me."

"You've been best friends for years, you sprang that on him suddenly, not to mention unexpectedly. It was probably a –how would you say- defensive reaction. Explain everything to him properly."

"Sounds like a plan," he said grinning a bit.

I grinned back and then thought of something. "Are you going to tell James?"

"Maybe, but after Fred. No, before. Wait, I'll do it after."

"Do it after, I'd say."

He thought about it. "Yeah, I probably will. First Fred."

"Listen, do you want to get some sleep now?" I said after I finally perceived that there would be no more breakdowns from him.

"Sure," he said, looking sideways at me again. "Thanks Nasreen," he said softly. "We should hang out sometime, and you can tell me what's troubling _you_."

"Me?" I said uneasily.

"Yeah, I'm not the only one that looks like shit right now," he said, then blanched sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's fine," I mumbled. "G'night."

We said our goodbyes at our separate staircases and I went to bed feeling slightly better.


End file.
